I have heard that they have got some
Pretty girls around here, although
I cannot find any of them
Where the fuck is everyone? I don’t know…

I just landed at the spaceport
Wondering where the pretty girls are
There’s nobody in this food court
Only robots working the sushi bar

Thought there'd be some swinging revels
Where the hell's the party rave scene?
Suddenly on higher levels
I see my face flash on a giant screen!

Around the world, the church bells rang
"Tom Chao must die," everyone sang
Ten billion aliens laughed aloud
They burned my picture in a crowd!

They showed it all on CNN
Rolled back and showed it all again
The aliens storm into the streets
Their hatred of me is complete!

Then I shriek and run for cover
All these androids want to blast me
Jetpack cyborg starts to hover
Over the escape pod I really need!

Woman in the spacesuit locker,
She takes off her metal bra
And beckons to me; I run towards her,
Then fall through a huge hole I never saw!

Now I’m floating, trapped in stasis
While a huge mob waits to burn me
Why did I leave Earth? This place is
Nothing like the ads they show on TV!