And if one day I should become
A singer with a Spanish bum
Who sings for women of great virtue
I'd sing to them with a guitar
I'd borrow from a coffee bar
- Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you

My name would be Antonio
And all my bridges I would burn
And when I sang a song they'd know
I'd expect something in return...
I'd have to get drunk every night
And talk about virility
With some old grandmother who might
Be decked out like a Christmas tree

And no pink elephants I would see
Though I'd be drunk as I can be
Still I would sing my song to me
About the time they called me Jackie

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute - in a stupid-assed way

And if I joined the social world
Became procurer of young girls
And I would have my own bordello
My records would be number one
And I'd sell records by the tonne
All sang by many other fellows

My name would then be Handsome Jack
And I'd sell boats of opium
Whisky that came from Twickenham
Offering queers and phoney virgins
If I had banks on every finger
A finger in every country
And all the countries ruled by me
I'd still know exactly where I'd want to be...

Holed up inside my opium den
Surrounded by some chinamen
I'd sing a song that I sang then
About the time they called me Jackie

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute - in a stupid-assed way

Now tell me wouldn't it be nice
That if one day in paradise
I'd sing for all the ladies up there
And they would si