It’s early morning, the sun is up
I put some coffee in my cup
The phone is buzzing, who could it be
No, you cannot have a number 23
Not a Chinese takeaway, I say with a groan.
You rang me on a white slimline telephone

I’ll spell it, I’ll spell it
B-U-C-K-E-T
Not bucket you bastard, I decree
Royal Doulton with Periwinkles are on display
But don’t forget it’s pronounced bouquet

Richard, my dear, don’t forget your tie
Show me your smile, do give it a try
No, not like that dear, it could start a rumor
Don’t spoil things with lower middle-class humor
It’s eleven, Elizabeth will be over I’m sure
She better notice my holiday brochure
My table is decked out in glorious swagger
When you see it, you’ll stumble or even stagger

I’ll spell it, I’ll spell it
B-U-C-K-E-T
Not bucket you bastard, I decree
Royal Doulton with Periwinkles are on display
But don’t forget it’s pronounced bouquet
No, it’s not bucket. Bitch, it’s bouquet

I’m pop out the door, the air feels like spring
Richard, why are you polishing that old thing?
My three-piece suite will arrive here soon
But up pulls Onslow, that big buffoon
The Barker-Finches just might see
And think that he is related to me
Richard, do stop dawdling dear
And get Daisy and Rose out of here

I’ll spell it, I’ll spell it
B-U-C-K-E-T
Not bucket you bastard, I decree
Royal Doulton with Periwinkles are on display
But don’t forget it’s pronounced bouquet
No, it’s not bucket. Bitch, it’s bouquet
No, it’s not bucket. Bitch, it’s bouquet