Here we are in court today
Rose just took the stand
She's divorcin' me for reasons
I still don't understand

That dress is showin' more of her
Than I've seen in years
And the story that she's tellin's
Even got the judge in tears

She's accusin' me of hangin' out
With girls of ill repute
Adultery, abandonment
Even alcohol abuse

I just heard my mother shout
Your honor throw the book
And even my attorney
Just gave me a dirty look

Everything's coming up roses
The house, the car
The kids and all the cash
Everything's coming up roses
And I'll be lucky
If I keep the shirt that's on my back

My head is buried in my hands
The courtroom is adjourned
She got all I ever made
And all I'll ever earn

If I had a handkerchief
I'd break right down and cry
Why, even Johnny Carson
Got a better deal than mine

Everything's coming up roses
The house, the car
The kids and all the cash
Everything's coming up roses
And I'll be lucky
If I keep the shirt that's on my back

Everything's coming up roses
And I'll be lucky
If I keep the shirt that's on my back