Miss me I don't want to miss me, anxiety can miss me
Depression, insecurity, doubt, frustration, anger, guilt
Shame, self hate, can miss me, they can sit and ponder why, they no longer get an invite
Why they show up to my door unexpectedly
After they haven't heard from me in a while and I refuse to answer
Why I pretend I don't know them when I pass by, why they send a text and I never reply
Why my eyes close with peace the moment my head hits the pillow
At night although they try to taunt me from Outside my window and remind me of the life we used to live Together, they can miss me forever
But I don't want to miss me anymore, my smile, my style, my creativity, my curiosity
My proclivity to pursue Gods purpose for me, to indulge in my passions, to imagine, to plan
To put the plan into action, I stopped listening to the music that awakens my rhythm
Stopped reading the books that nourish my intellect
Stopped setting aside time with God to connect
Stopped working out to work it out, stopped eating to heal, and started eating to numb the emotions I feel
I stopped looking for the sunlight, for the poems to write from life's lessons
Stopped searching for God's Blessings
Stopped forcing myself to feel the breeze, to slow down, look around, to breathe
To observe to continue to learn be present, realize this day is a present
I was beginning to lose myself because of something they said, getting stuck in my head, in someone else Taking care of everything and everybody, but my self
Concerned I was being selfish, but pouring into my cup so I have enough to share is selfless
I can't give you joy I don't carry, can't encourage you to cultivate your gifts if mine are buried
Can't tell you to keep pushing if I'm feeling weary
Can't tell you about a lasting hope of mine is temporary
Ready to get up and flee, with each new difficulty that life throws at me
I can't grow your confidence if I can't take a compliment
Can't tell you how beautiful you are if I don't see it when I stare at my reflection

So I have to Continue to
Find ways to keep my
Smile authentic, my relationships genuine, my passions ignited, reasons to wake up excited
Because I was slowly losing my identity, becoming some mundane, diluted version of why God created me to Be, miss me,
I don't want to miss me, anxiety can miss me,
Depression, insecurity, doubt, frustration, anger guilt, shame, self hate, can miss me
But not me, not ever again