Let the record show
That I came I saw I was told to go
I'm here now though
And want you to know
That I love being employed even so
And have always wondered why teeth regrow
The best advice is to take life too slow
So I've decided to try dentistry
Willingly
With mental stability
And an affinity
For tooth debility
And though I'm not permitted in my ability
To practice medicine within this vicinity
I've decided that it's not for me
And this is where I should be
Hear my plea

Yes I know much about this job's realities
I myself have countless cavities and gum disease
I am everything this job needs
A bitch who reads
Lives and breathes
Intrigues
Believes
In work weeks of four
Bank account 6 then more
No more shitty credit score
No more debt collectors to ignore
No more crying on the floor
No more ice trays from the dollar store
What was the question
Do you have any more

I haven't been to the dentist in a while
I ain't got cavity money child !
At work I'll try not to smile
They'll see the secret lifestyle
Halloween candy ass bitch on trial
Put it in my file
Next to screenshots of my Tinder profile
Why did medicine put me in exile
Ima phone a friend, what do I dial

Yes I was banned from medicine for good
Let the record show that I wish a motherfucker would
But it's not like I didn't do everything I could
Being banned from a profession is part of adulthood
Or maybe not, I think I misunderstood

I don't want to be a dentist but it's the best I got
A career that wasn't drab was worth a shot
But can I write music all day? No, of course not
Not for money, from what I've been taught
And my happiness can be bought
I want plastic surgery and new mascot
One that doesn't get pregnant in the fucking parking lot
I want the homeowners association to be fought
Let the record show that a bitch counts each flowerpot
I want to walk barefoot without a tetanus shot
And life to turn out better than I once thought

I'm a slob
Voted most likely to be robbed and/or rob the mob
I'm a key stuck in the doorknob
Voted most likely to sit here and sob
So please give me this fucking job