We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year

We wish you the best day ever
And hope all your Christmas endeavors
Are super-fun, amazing and clever
And that your New Year's rocks too

Oh, come, tell me what'cha doin'
All my relatives just flew in
From Mexico and Jerusalem
For the holidays

Both Christmas trees and menorahs
It can be confusing for us
When we break into a chorus
Of olé, olé and oy vey, oy vey

Good missions
I'll give to agents A through Z
Carl, get away from that punch bowl
I'm saving that for me
Sorry, sir

We wish you a Perry Christmas
We wish you a Perry Christmas
We wish you a Perry Christmas
And a new year

I wish for a calculator
Slash-Hindi-English translator
To find a common denominator
In both of my tongues

Good wedgies I'll give
To all of you nerds
That's how I say, "Merry Christmas"
I ain't good with words

I wish you would let me rule you
In evil I'm going to school you
I won't sugarcoat or fool you
Your New Year's looks grim

I warn you, my new-inator
Will force you to serve me later
So why not just choose to cater
To my every whim?

We wish your every endeavor
Makes this the best Christmas ever
And we're all so glad that
We are never mention figgy pudding

Oh, great, well, now we've mentioned it
You know, no one would have noticed
If you'd have just kept your mouth shut