Why are you being nice to me?
That's not like you at all
Because i've really missed your friendship
And your high cholesterol

I've always wanted to be with you
But i'm boring and obese
You've got a purple mohawk
And i wear a hair piece

So what if i'm more fun than you
And don't forget i'm fuckin' cute
Do you think that you can
Deal with my ill repute?
Your reputation doesn't bother me
It tickles and offends
That's why i wanna introduce you to
My parents and my friends
You would you do that with me
I would do that with you
There's so many things i'll introduce you to
I think i wanna be with someone just like you

I can start exercising every day
Get muscular and lean
That's silly i'll just take diet pills
And methamphetamine

I don't want you to change for me
Your rolls and body hair
I'm starting to let me see you
Like a human teddy bear

Maybe i could learn to like
Drug use and punk rock
Maybe i could learn to like
Your small uncircumcised cock
If my size is a problem
I'm sure it won't persist
I'll just have to satisfy you
With some ky and my fist

You would you do that with me
I will do that with you
I wanna be with someone just like you
I wanna be with someone just like you