Jason Statham, et al
Is it possible for you to speak in a less aggressive tone
Dave Bautista, et al
It must be difficult to reach the small of your back
The correlation between muscles and manhood
Is a toxic little thing I've been unlearning
How aggression is an indicator of your worth
And being strong is physical
Channing Tatum, et al
It must be impossible to delicately handle anything
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, et al
There's actually a delicacy about you that's quite endearing
The correlation between muscles and manhood
Is a toxic little thing I've been unlearning
The reason that I'm not buff is that it exemplifies a stereotype of masculinity
And not just because I'm lazy
I don't mean to undermine your cosmetic choices
In fact I'm in awe at you absolute units
It's just that with bulging flesh comes a privilege I will never understand
I need someone to grab my hand
But that seems like too much effort
If this is men, I refuse to be a man
My body doesn't mould that way, I'm just too lazy
Now that's what I call disappointment