Baby, put down that chainsaw
Before you cut yourself in the neck
Don't make me waste my morning
Tying your ass in a tourniquet

Baby, put down that ice pick
Before you poke a hole in your thumb
Step away from that ginsu knife
Or I'll have to call the medic to come

Baby, walk away from that light switch
It's got wires to fry our brain
You can run a bath if you like
Just let me know when it needs to drain

Baby, step back from that gas stove
Tonight we'll just have ice cream
Last time we heard that click
You nearly blew us to smithereens

Here comes Sally in her new red suit
Sporting band-aids and gauze
Walking like she's every kind of proof
That for every effect there's a cause
Some folks are born with two left feet
And every step is a trip
My girl looks like Ty Cobb's cleats
Slid right into her lips

Baby, get out of that toolshed
Don't make me change the locks
Keep away from that medieval sword
Poking up out of that fancy rock

Go back to bed nice and slow
And baby you have my word
I'll sign you up for those ballroom lessons
Just as soon as cancer's cured