THREE MONTHS BEFORE CHRISTMAS
KERRY PATRICK CLARK

Three months before Christmas I broke a rake in the yard
Thought I would get A new one from Menards
I know what you’re thinking Not Lowe’s or Home Depot
BUT I SAW THE GRAND OPENING SIGN AND THE PEOPLE

We were hearded like cattle Or glassy-eyed elves
And to our amazement The doors opened themselves
There was ooing and ahing As we entered the place
Man, someone said You don’t see this at Ace

The insides were lit with 80 Bethlehem stars
And the greater repeated Welcome to Menards
I went straight for the rakes And Oh, how they shined
Some plastic, some metal Some a strange new design

Then down isle 14 There rose a disturbance
A 5-minute sale on 64 load detergent
The women were rushing And screaming and biting
I was not in the mood For this labor day fighting

I backed out of the isle To flee this bad scene
And found I had entered A wonderland dream
You’ve got to be kidding Those words I did vomit
There’s Frosty and Rudolph There’s Cupid and Comit

Is there nothing that’s sacred Is there nothing that’s Holy
I said in a loud voice Oh, good Lord if only
An associate came and said Your question I’ll tackle
Jesus is just down The isle from the spackle

I rolled back my eyes I threw down my rake
And said it’s just too early For Christmas’ sake
Visions and nightmares Will come from this sight
I knew as I poured myself In bed for the night

I rolled over and said Merry Christmas my love
She slowly rolled back And then she said, “what?”
I explained how I Spent the day in the yard
And Christmas is early Thanks to Menards