I'm leaving, I guess
I shouldn't keep another secret, confessed
that everything I do is trauma reruns
It seems like being honest won't be too fun

Whatever I do, it all explodes
I've never been good at letting go
Even when all the cracks start showing

I hurt everyone and they hurt me
A self fulfilling prophecy
This isn't who I want to be

Because my ideal self
Would take the problem away
She'd be attentive and kind
She'd take away all the pain cause

She wouldn't be masochistic
She'd pick up on every instinct
And she would be honest with you
And her own feelings

The mirror's not my friend
It's got me thinking that I'm uncute again
It's got me looking like a dirtbag asshole
I guess that's true because I'm not in control

I always look fresh out of bed
My eyes are hollow, grey, and dead
I walk like a zombie full of lead

I wish that I felt more full of life
Energy levels maxed out like
I had a reason to look nice

Because my ideal self
Would feel much better than me
She'd rock a confident look
And pull off everything cause

She wouldn't reflect self hatred
If something was wrong, she'd change it
She wouldn't be so damn jaded
Over her past mistakes

But I'm stuck with this
Bruised, broken body
And I push away
The ones who want me

Rotting out my bones
My brain is useless
Trauma-ridden, mean,
And ineffective

Because my ideal self
Would be stable and nice
She'd be successful and smart
She wouldn't fuck this up twice cause

She wouldn't be that much like me
And she wouldn't need "I'm sorry"
Perfect, pretty, chill, and carefree
She's nothing like me