Spoken:
Lady:
If it's not asking too much,

Sung:
For our information
Just for illustration
Tell us how you intend to run the nation

Rufus T. Firefly:
These are the laws of my administration

No one's allowed to smoke
Or tell a dirty joke
And whistling is forbidden

Chorus:
We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke

Hail, hail Freedonia

Rufus:
If chewing gum is chewed
The chewer is pursued
And in the hooscall hidden

Chorus:
If we choose to chew we'll be pursued

Rufus:
If any form of pleasure is exibited
Report to me and it will be prohibited
I'll put my foot down, so shall it be
This is the land of the free

The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn't know what to do with it
If you think this country's bad off now,
Just wait 'til I get through with it

The country's taxes must be fixed
And I know what to do with it
If you think you're paying too much now
Just wait till I get throught with it

*whistle*

I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair
I'm strictly on the upper knot, so everyone beware
If any man's caught taking graft, and I don't get my share
We stand'im up against the wall and pop! Goes the weasel

Chorus:
So everyone beware, you're stricken or unfair
-------unless he gets his share

Rufus:
If any man should come between a husband and his bride
We'll find out which one she prefers by letting her decide
If she prefers the other man, the husband steps outside
We stand him up against the wall and pop! Goes the weasel

Chorus:
The husband steps outside, relinquishes his bride
They stand him up against the wall and take him for white