I am that dickhead in the kitchen
Giving wine to your best girl's glass
I am the amateur pornographer
Unpleasant publisher by hand

Not here, not here, heroic acts of man
Not here, not here, heroic acts of man

Oh I see the stumbling pinstripe trouser
The flecks of sick on an office shoe
Part of the fatty British average
That lives in the houses around you

Not here, not here, heroic acts of man
Not here, not here, heroic acts of man

Let's all crowd round the cowering body
Throw stocky fingers, sticks and stones
Let's promise every girl we marry
We'll always love them, though we probably won't

While a knight in shitty armour
Rips the drunk out of her dress
One man tears into another
Hides a coward's heart in a lion's chest

Man, he breeds although he shouldn't
Breeding just because he comes
Acts the father for a minute
Until the worst instincts return

Not here, not here, heroic acts of man
Not here, not here, heroic acts of man

I have never wanted more to be your man
And build a house around you
But I am just like all the rest of them
Sorry, selfish, trying to improve

I'm here, I'm here, not heroic but I try
I'm here, I'm here, not heroic but I try