I went for a drink last Friday night
Had a beer with me dear old Dad
Had a laugh with Rose the barmaid
And a few pints with the lads
There was a sign in the pub it said we do good grub
So I asked what's on the grill
You can have what you like, says Rosie
Just put a fiver in the till

Then the night grew long and songs were sung
And stories tall were told
And it was four o'clock in the morning
When she stepped out in the cold
I couldn't find the lock, so I had to knock
And I prayed she'd let me in
You should have heard the roar, when she opened the door
"Where the hell do you think you've been?"

Oh no! I didn't see it coming
Oh no! She took me by surprise
Oh no! I didn't see it coming
She got me right between the eyes
Oh no! she caught me with a cracker
Oh no! she got a great right hand
Oh no! she gave me such a smacker
With her well used frying pan

Well on Saturday the pain went away
It left me eyes all black and blue
So I drank to forget with Rosie
Seemed the only thing to do
Well I was feeling grand with a glass in me hand
And Rosie sitting on me knee
But then I heard a crash and I jumped like a flash
You can guess who was next to me

Oh no! I didn't see it coming
Oh no! she took me by surprise
Oh no! I didn't see it coming
She got me right between the eyes
Oh no! she caught me such a cracker
Oh no! she's got a great right hand
Oh no! she’s got such a smacker
With her well used frying pan

Oh no! I didn't see it coming
Oh no! she took me by surprise
Oh no! I didn't see it coming
She got me right between the eyes
Oh no! she caught me with a cracker
Oh no! she's got a great right hand
Oh no! she gave me such a smacker
With her well used frying pan

No said the pigeon

Oh no! I didn't see it coming
Oh no! she took me by surprise
Oh no! I never saw her coming
She got me right between the eyes
Oh no! she hit me such a cracker
Oh no! she's got a great right ah left hand, I don’t know
Oh no! she’s after bating me brains out
With her great big, oily, dirty, greasy, rotten frying-pan