I'm just an old man, losing all my hair
Sneezing my life away
Can't drink the water, can't breathe the air
Can't smell the flow’rs in May

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
Allergic to ev’rything I see
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
And the thing I'm most allergic to is me!

Choc’late makes me choke and salad makes me sneeze
(spoken) Especially those tiny bits of cuke!
Grapes make me gag and wieners make me wheeze
Pepper mostly makes me (gagging)

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
Allergic to ev’rything I see
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
And the thing I'm most allergic to is me!

INSTRUMENTAL

Had a little bird once, called the birdie Jock
Taught him ev’ry word I knew
Started getting pimples ev’ry time he'd talk
So I fin’lly did him up into a stew!

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
Allergic to ev’rything I see
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
And the thing I'm most allergic to is me!

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
Allergic to ev’rything I see
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! It's all I can do
And the thing I'm most allergic to is me!

Music by Ted Blackbourn, Lyrics by Don Macrae