I got judged at the supermarket
Just for buyin' boxed wine and a chocolate tartlet
Mrs. Jenkins said, "That's no diet,"
But her cart was full of chips, and she stayed quiet

I haven't been judged like this since divorce court
You'd think I stole a horse, or maybe fought in sport
With all their waggin' tongues, they'd win an award
'Cause I haven't been judged like this since divorce court

Last Sunday in church, tryin' to find some peace
They eyed my dresspants, said it's too short by at least an inch
They quoted scripture with a side of sass
While sippin' on communion like it's their Sunday glass

I haven't been judged like this since divorce court
They gossip like they're saints, holdin' God's report
With every glare and whisper, they just fall short
'Cause I haven't been judged like this since divorce court

They love their gossip, they live for the dirt
But their secrets are buried in skirts and shirts
Yeah, they throw those stones, they can't break my pride
I'm here for the show, so just enjoy the ride

At the barbershop, they're talkin' 'bout my hair
"Who does he think he is, Richard Gere?"
But I just laugh, sip my coffee
'Cause who are they to judge? They've all got their hobbies

I haven't been judged like this since divorce court
Like I've got horns or I'm some kinda sport
But honey, I'm just me, no harm to report
'Cause I haven't been judged like this since divorce court