If I had a hammer, I'd wake up my neighbors
Pounding out a rhythm all about you
If I had a pencil I'd push me some paper
I'd build a skyscraper to get close to you

If I had a lasso I'd sail out the window
And land on an island next to you
If I had a hot rod I'd fasten up my seatbelt
And break the speed limit gettin' to you

But I ain't got a hammer and I ain't got a pencil
And I ain't got a lasso so I'm doing it the hard way
Like a post post-modern man

If I had a credit card I'd clear me a pathway
Through the deepest jungle right to your door
If I had a camera I'd snap away my fingers
And collect up the pictures of you of course

But I ain't got a hot rod and I ain't got a credit card
No chance for a camera so I'm doing it the hard way
Like a post post-modern man

Well, I ain't got a hammer and I ain't got a lasso
No chance for a camera so I'm doing it the hard way