This here's a song about the things you don't find in nature

This here's a tale about conditions of the head

At one time I wanted to expand my education but

Now I'll make more money if I dye my hair instead.

'Cause I've gotta be more punk, and forget about writing love songs

And even though I'm a middle class white Canadian

God knows I've been done wrong

'Cause I'm a fake punk! I'm a fake punk!

I'll even use a dirty word, I'll even write a mean song,

I'll even take a mean picture

'Cause I've got the hair for it!

I've always tried to dig myself out of the sewer

I've always strived to be a little bit more well-read

But oh no! Here comes that rock press interviewer so,

I'll just look real tough and say fuck a lot instead

I'd be alright if I could just hang out with my girlfriend

I'd be just fine if they would close down all the bars

And maybe one day I'll join a protest against smoking

But when it comes to sincere angst you can just

Leave me the fuck alone!