I said a bad word when I was a kid
Mama said that I'd be sorry for the sin that I did
My daddy whooped me and the preacher said shame
And I tried like hell to change

I cuss, I smoke
I laugh at dirty jokes
Minor vices man I know 'em well
I've closed down bars
And I've busted in my heart
My exes think I oughta burn in hell
But the devil, he won't notice when I die
Don't you figure
He's got bigger fish to fry
Oh yeah

Politicians taking corporate bribes
Crooked CEOs are getting off with no time
Christmas eve burglars stealin' good children's toys
(Can't say Christmas)
Holiday burglars stealin' good children's toys

I cuss, I smoke
I laugh at dirty jokes
The minor vices, man I know I'm well
I've closed down bars
I've busted in my heart
My exes thinks that I oughta burn in hell
But the devil wont even notice when I die
Ya don't you figure
Hes got bigger fish to fry

There's gonna be a bonfire burnin'
An everlastin' barbeque
But with all the bad stuff goin' on
There ain't gonna be room for me and you

'Cause we cuss and we smoke
We laugh at Taylor's jokes
(Tell one Jim, you know you're old when your wife says
'honey lets run upstairs and make love' and your answer is I cannot do both)
Some minor vices, man we know 'em well
We've closed down bars and we've busted in our hearts
Our exes think we oughta burn in hell
But the devil, he wont notice when we die,
Don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry
Ya don't you figure
He's got bigger fish to fry
(Pass the tarter sauce)

(When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing it will be...)