I don't care where I'm goin'
Just as long as I'm with you
Put it there, pal. Put it there

I'll be just like your horses
And I'll stick to you like glue
Put it there, pal. Put it there

I'm glad you're fooling Pepsodent (oh, that happy snow)
Stealing all that cash
I hear your show on Thursdays (nice, huh?)
What a lot of eggs you smash

Well at least I don't depend upon
Colonna's big moustache (oh, he gave me the brush)
You're faithful and you're fair
Put it there (skin me Dad, skin me)

You've got that something in your voice
So right for selling cheese (hustle a lot of the stuff)
Put it there, pal. Put it there (put that back in the bowl)

You know, I think your jokes are great (really?)
It's just that folks are hard to please (they're just snobs, that all)
Put it there, pal. Put it there

Your face could make a fortune
Just your nose should make a lot (how do you siphon?)
I like the way you wear those gaudy-colored shirts you've got, boy!
The only time a rainbow ever covered up a pot
You're such a perfect square (oh-oh, is that on the paper?)
(where?, where?)

Shall we dance?
Sorry, I have my heavy underwear on
Oh, just to once around, to the adrenalin, huh?
Well, OK, if I lead

My colleague, my crony, my cohort, my friend
Companions, confederates, chums to the end
Like meat and potatoes, or salt and tomatoes
Boy, what a blend

Don't put it in the paper (don't worry about me)
Don't put it on the air (I'll finish it)
Don't put it in your pipe
Put it there

Confidentially, do you like this as well as singing?
Leave your name with the girl when you go out
We may get to you for some crowd noises
Be sure and call me
All right