Well, he's trying to survive up on Mulholland Drive
He's got the phone in the car in his hand
Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine
Even a dog can shake hands
He wants twenty per cent
'Cause he knew you back when

Now they all want a piece of the band
Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine
Even a dog can shake hands
All the worms and the gnomes are having lunch at Le Dome
They're all living off the fat of the land
Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine

Even a dog can shake hands
Sign page forty-two
We'll do the rest for you
Find a way to make it pay
Don't lose your head
You'll end up dead
Or you'll be living in the Valley someday

Abandon all hope, and don't rock the boat
And we'll all make a few hundred grand
Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine
Even a dog can shake hands
You'll be making the scene
Till they pick your bones clean

No, they don't leave much for the fans
Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine
Even a dog can shake hands
Sign page forty-two
We'll do the rest for you
Find a way to make it pay

Don't lose your head
You'll end up dead
Or you'll be living in the Valley someday