Ladies and gentleman
sit down get into the mood
it's time for the captivating colors of the paint-by-number news!

well the cue card comedians come on at ten pm
set your reminders now so ya do not forget
strung up from the rafters like muzzled marionettes  
oh it's the very best the network presidents could get

addicted to their tricks
is the loyal audience
their laughter is contagious and everybody's sick

sit down, get into the mood
for the captivating colors of the paint-by-number news

now the story ain't important, personality prevails
so long as checks continue showin' up in the mail
advertiser's golden geese, allergic to details
cappin' off each mad lib joke with self-esteem for sale

they tell ya what to buy
they tell ya who to nail
if the world went blind
they'd do their monologues in braille

sit down, get into the mood
for the captivating colors of the paint-by-number news

now take a look at this folks
now this is really something
don't even think about thinking otherwise
turn on any tv
turn on any tube
turn off any thinking
turn off any you

sit down, get into the mood
for the captivating colors of the paint-by-number news

well there's rows and rows of mansions built on top the fourth estate
private inner circles but we see through the gate
the business model's broken it's on its final legs
don't give em two more eyes, don't fall for the bait

it's the eleventh hour
cries for attention getting louder
don't ya think it's time to pull the plug on their power?

sit down, get into the mood
for the captivating colors of the paint-by-number news
paint-by-number news, yeah
paint-by-number news
ooh-hoo-ooh-hoo
ooh-hoo-ooh-hoo
yeah yeah yeah yeah

see you tomorrow
same time
same place
same news
good night"