Right said Fred, both of us together, one each end and steady as we go
Tried to to shift it, couldn't even lift it, we was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea

Right said Fred, give a shout to Charlie, up comes Charlie from the floor below
After straining, heaving and complaining, we was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea

Charlie had a think and he thought we ought, to take off all the handles
And the things that hold the candles - but it did no good (well I never thought it would!)

Right said Fred, have to take the feet off, to get them feet off wouldn't take a mo...
Took its feet off, even with the seat off, should have got us somewhere, but no!
So Fred said let's have another cup of tea, and we said "right-oh!"

Right said Fred, have to take the door off, need more space to shift the so-and-so
Had bad twinges, taking off the hinges, and it got us nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea

Right said Fred, have to take the wall down, that there wall is gonna have to go
Took the wall down, even with it all down, we was getting nowhere
And so, we, had a cup of tea

Charlie had a think and and he said look Fred, I've got a sort of feeling
If we remove the ceiling,
With a rope or two we can drop the blighter through...

Right said Fred, climbing up a ladder, with his crowbar gave a mighty blow
Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble, landed on the top of, his dome
So Charlie and me had another cup of tea
And then we, went home!

[Spoken, fading out...]
I said to Charlie we'll just have to leave it standing on the landing, that's all.
You see the trouble with Fred is, he's too hasty.
Now you never get nowhere if you're too hasty...