Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean
All you can give is a spin in your washing machine
I fly off to Rome to my prima bella
She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella
Ooh the pain -- Modern love can be a strain

I trusted my Venus was untouched in her shell
But the pearls in her oyster were as tacky as hell
For Lady Godiva I came incognito
But her driver had stolen her red hot magneto
Ooh the pain, modern love can be a strain

I don't know why they leave me in the lurch
To carry on the search
It's driving me up the wall
Pity when I have so much passion
Romance is out of fashion
Can't handle modern love at all

So I worship Diana by the light of the moon
When I pull out my pipe she screams out of tune
In Paris my heart sinks when I see the Mona Lisa
She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer
Ooh the pain
Modern love can be a strain