I make a date for golf,
You can bet you life it rains.
I try to give a party,
And the guy upstairs complains.
I guess I'll go through life,
Just catchin' colds and missin' trains,
Everything happens to me.

I never miss a thing,
I've had measles and the mumps.
And every time I play my ace,
My partner always trumps.
I guess I'm just a fool,
Who never looks before he jumps,
Everything happens to me.

At first my heart tho't,
You could break this jinx for me.
That love would turn the trick,
To end my despair.
But now, I just can't fool,
This head that thinks for me.
I've mortgaged all my castles in the air.

I've telegraphed and called,
I sent air mail special, too,
You answer was goodbye,
And there was even postage due.
I fell in love just once,
And then it had to be with you,
Everything happens to me.