I take too long
To answer telephones
I take too long to type my name
And record messages
But my handwriting is excellent
In fact it's second to none, none

I just got in
From somewhere really good
They offered me the part of Bono
And a speaking role
With all the merchandise
And sunglasses
I could ever need, need

I drive round cities in a chariot
I get preferential treatment
At the Marriott but if the truth be told
I'm naked under all those clothes

[Chorus]
I tell you what is on my mind
I only want to be
In your record collection
I only want to be
In your record collection
And I'll do anything it takes
Just to get there

My brain is buzzing
And the room is strange
Like the scene in trading places
At the stock exchange
I made a million overnight in '87
Now I'm living in my
Parking space, parking space

My teeth are bright
And my hair is clean
I wear Paco Rabanne
Like I was Charlie Sheen
But in the rain we all look wet
And in the snow we all look cold

[Chorus]

Disgusted by all the flashness
I think I'm a don
They think I'm an actor
But I catch this
My two needs
Are pillow and a mattress
Once I can fill up the space
With a famous actress
Give me a mil, I'll do a DJ set
I pull spikey with the green
Like a cactus
Show off, ego's high
You can't match this
Chauvinistic pig
Money man tactics

I'm not as clever
As I thought I was
It got pointed out to me
As I was tying the knot
And all I want to know is
How I got so far down, down

I'm not as lucky
As I thought I was
My luck ran out the other day
As I was crossing the road
Who would have thought
A truck like that

Could have caused so much

[Chorus]