Everyone’s a model
And I’m a librarian
Everyone’s a corgi
And I’m an Alsatian
Everyone’s birth
And I’m a C-section
Everyone’s a train
I’m a train station

Everyone’s appealing
They all look good
I’d right swipe
If I could
A nice straight girl tells me I look good
But I really really really wish a gay guy would

So I smile say hi
Have I met you before?
Did you like the band?
Yeah I’ve met them before
Then I lean in and he tells me to stop
And everyone’s hot
And I’m not

Everyone’s hot
And I’m not
Everyone’s hot
And I’m not
Everyone’s hot
And I’m not
Everyone’s hot
And I’m not

Everyone’s a model
They’re all Brazilian
I’m a librarian
From wigan
I’ve got one pound
They’ve got one million
Everyone’s a reptile
I’m an amphibian

My bread roll doesn’t taste good to the ducks
And the kids don’t want the candy in my truck
Bad luck bad luck!
This is it, I’m stuck
Giving new meaning to giving zero fucks

Cos I’m cute as a button
But they won’t press me
Everyone’s police
But they don’t arrest me
Everyone’s coke
And I’m Diet Pepsi
Everyone’s a dick
And I’m testes

The guy says ‘hey I’m not into all that
‘I don’t like boys, I like pussy, twat, vagina’
And every other synonym of ‘not me’
So I laugh and say ‘I don’t know what you mean’
Or ‘I was joking’
Go into the smoking section
Look both directions, I’m alone
I feel like a leper
I catch the sight of my reflection
Don’t feel any better

Because everyone’s hot
And I’m not
Everyone’s hot
And I’m not
Everyone’s hot
And I’m not
Everyone’s hot
And I’m not
I’m not
I’m not
I’m not
I’m not

Everyone
Uh, everyone’s probably bored of this right?
Let’s do the, uh, the other bit
Yeah this bit!
I love this bit!
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Da, da, da, da, da
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
Da, da, da, da, da
Okay this verse is gonna be good

Everyone’s hot and I’m not
Everyone’s fit and I’m shit
Everyone’s aite and I’m shite
Everyone’s sexy and I’m dexy’s midnight runners on a Thursday night alright