I am Jan Brady,
And you must believe that
Or forever perish in your doubt
I am the soul embodiment of Jan,

And I exist to serve the Brady alter
For I have become one with another soul,
And I have no need for others!

[Chorus]
Jan Brady has returned
Took over my soul and body
Then the hairstyle flew up all by itself
Never to be changed
I am Jan, Jan I am
I like to eat green eggs and ham

So now you must believe and worship me
Or else a lost soul you will be
I pick up my lunch from Alice our house keeper
I go to school with my Brady brothers
We live in the same house
But we come from different mothers!

[Chorus]

I know I cracked the family picture with my bike
I wasn't wearing my glasses
But I fixed everything with a bat of my eye lashes
With my wig, I'll be a smash
Polyester plaid bell bottoms,
I ain't no trash!

[Chorus]