Drunk men stagger, drunk men fall
Drunk men swear and that's not all
Quite often they will urinate outdoors

Like widowed women, drunk men weep
Like children curled up, drunk men sleep
Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours

Be he broke bum or rich rake
His dinner be it bread or cake
His beverage be the worse of whiskey, finest wine

Puke it stinks and so it seems
That drunkards go to great extremes
But there has yet to be a perfectly straight high

Drunks talk strong when drunks are weak
It's easy for a drunk to speak
Straight from the heart

Yeah, drunks will fight they're not afraid
They'll kiss the mistress and make the maid
It's a manly art

Oh, but big toll will take
Blood vessels in nose will break
Bags beneath the eyes, another sign

Drunks get ugly, so it seems
That drunkards go to great extremes
But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line

Drunks are friendly when they're drunk and
Drunks are hostile when they're drunk
Which drunk it is, it all depends upon

When drunks aren't drunk, they thirst for drink
And the elephants are grey, not pink
And the drink evaporates the man is gone, gone, gone, gone

Back to the yachts and the subway cars
To the hip flasks and fruit jars
Flat on the face and flat on the behind

Oh, drunks get drunk and so it seems
That drunkards go to great extremes
But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line
Straight line
Straight line