If a girl isn't pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets from life is pity and a pat
Kindly name a star who hasn't won a contest or a pageant
If she hasn't, she just never gets to bat
She must shine in every detail
Like a ring you buy in retail
Be a standard size that fits a standard dress
When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
Then to me, it doesn't spell success
Frumpy faces that could cause ya
To have temporary nausea
Do I have to hear a lecture such as that?
Is a nose with deviation such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail or drown the cat?
So she looks a bit off balance
She possesses golden talents
Or is that a pill too bitter to digest?
Oh, she's got very nice deportment, hmm
But when they see that at Ortmund's
From the gallery they'll be throwing fruit!