Oi, Reg, meat and two veg?
He done him with a ten pound sledge
He done himself a favour *crash*

Forty year-old arse-wipe,
Mrs. Elizabeth Walker of Lambeth Walk
Had a husband who was jubblified
With only half a stalk
So she had a milk of magnesia
And curry powder sandwich,
Half a pound of uncut pork
Took an overdose of Omo,
This made the neighbours talk
Could have been watching Frankie Vaughan
On the telly and giving herself a scratch

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
A sense of humour is required
Amongst our bacon rind

Hello, Brian, wash and iron?
Try it on, it's only nylon
Single bachelor with little dog,
Tony Green of Turnham Green
Said, "Who's a clever boy, then, girl",
Yes you know whom I mean
'cause the mongrel laid a cable in the sandpit
Of the playground of the park
Where they had been
And with a bit of tissue,
He wiped its bum-hole clean
A bit of claggy on the waggy

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
I must have had a funny time
On the Golden Hind

O vanitas vanitatum
Which of us is happy in this life?
Which of us has our desire,
Or having it, is gratified?
Hello, Mrs. this boy looks familiar,
They used to call him Robin Hood
Now he's Robin fuck... shit... cunt...

Home improvement expert
Harold Hill of Harold Hill
Of do-it-yourself dexterity
And double-glazing skill
Came home to find another gentleman's kippers
In the grill
So sanded off his winkle
With his Black and Decker drill

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
The hope that springs eternal
Springs right up your behind

This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find
This is what we find