Why do the best lookin' girls
Have real ugly friends?
It seems like it always works like that
You'll meet a queen, the girl of your dreams
And she'll have a friend that's really fat

But you decide to take a chance
This could be a great romance if only
She could just get rid of her
"She's my cousin from the east and
I know that she's a beast"
And I don't think that this is gonna work

So you take them both out while
You try to figure out
"How can I dump the pig?"
You've spent sixty bucks
But things are looking up
She just said she wants to make it big

Now the problem is this
Every time we hug and kiss
Her friend says, "I want to go home!"
And we want her to
But we don't know what to do
And that's why it's time for this song

Why do the best lookin' girls
Have real ugly friends?
It seems like it always works like that
Oh, you'll meet a queen
The girl of your dreams
And she'll have a friend that's really
Really fat


Every time you make your play
You'll find out there ain't no way
To make love to beauty and the beast
Why do the best lookin' girls
Have these real ugly friends?
Does this only happen to me?

Now I'm so hot I could smother
'Cause they both come home to mother
Does this only happen to me?