When my belly starts a-rumblin'
and I'm Jonesin' for a treat,
I close my eyes for a big surprise
the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

I love the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
The breasts they grow on trees
and streams of bacon ranch dressing
flow right up to your knees

There's tumbleweeds of bacon
and cheddar paves the streets
Folks don't front ya 'cause you got the juice
there's a train of ladies coming with a nice caboose never get in trouble, never need an excuse
That's the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

I love the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
No one tells you to behave (behave)
Your wildest fantasies come true
Dallas cheerleaders give you shaves

Red onions make you laugh instead
and french fries grow like weeds
You get to veg all day
all the lotto tickets pay
there's a king who wants you to have it your way,
That's the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch