Well, you're the reason I'm ridin' around on recapped tyres
An' you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on wires

An' you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah, but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But, I love you just the same

Well, you're the reason I changed to beer from soda pop
An' you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop

You're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Oh, but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But, I love you just the same

I guess that we won't ever have
Everything we need
'Cause when we get ahead
It's got another mouth to feed

An' that's the reason that my good looks and my figure's gone
An' that's the reason that I ain't got no hair to comb

An' you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But, I love you just the same

Conway, why in the devil don't you go and shave
An' put on a clean pair of pants?
But Loretta, look at yourself
I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair an'
An' go put on a little makeup an'
An' get out of that housecoat before supper

Ha, well, let me tell you somethin', Conway
Considerin' everything that I went through today
I look like a movie star
Uh, yeah, Ruth Cassidy
Thank you

Besides that
All of our kids took after your part of the family, anyway
Oh they did, huh? What about the one's that's bald?
Well, I guess you might say they took after me